I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
