she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
