kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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