Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
