I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
