i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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