you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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