Hippo gnu deer
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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