I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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