I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
