He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This baby is an asshole
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
