you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
