Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
