I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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