I've blown a few things in my day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
