Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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