I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
