smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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