you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
