i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
