well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
