This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
