Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
