now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
