im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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