Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
