We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
