I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
