I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
