you turned your livingroom into a bong?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
