i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
