Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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