You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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