You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
