how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
