Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
