Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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