I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
