Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
