your parents love me but you hate me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
