Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
