Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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