yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
