Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
