Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
