Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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