Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
