plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i believe in u and ur pee
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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