life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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