I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
