GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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