No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
