Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
