The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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