i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
